Do You Want To Be Victim Or Victor? It’s Your Choice

Victim Mentality vs. Victor Mentality

I recently received this email from a wonderful woman, Katherine Merry. I just had to share it with you because it absolutely and completely inspired me. Katherine is not a victim. She is a victor. May her story inspire you…

I was so happy to see this newsletter today! I also have a chronic ‘disability’! Before I was unable to keep my job, I was working with adults with mental disabilities and working long hours. I was very committed and loved my job. However, I could never say ‘no’ to a call from my supervisor when asked to work longer hours! This left me with more money but less time with my family! I found out that I was quite ill but the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. Some doctors took the easy prescription of ‘depression’, which later turned out to be incorrect. I was labelled obsessive compulsive because the pages in my day book were always full of things I wanted to get done in that day. Some things did have to be moved to the next day, but I was and still do at times have many ideas and plans for my goals. This also helps my memory of course. I was struggling with fatigue and pain.

Do You Want To Be Victim Or Victor? It’s Your Choice

Then one day came the paralysis from the waist down. It was a long ambulance ride after my doctor had told me that my legs may need to be amputated. He was so angry at me.He had taken me out of work for a couple of weeks prior and at this point I had staggered into his office with legs almost black asking if I could return to work on the Monday. My priorities were more for my work and money than it was for my own health. Relieved that my legs were staying with me, I was sent to a major hospital where they did several days of testing and found out that I had multiple sclerosis on top of other medical concerns.

For years I grieved for my job that I always wanted, until I realized that this may not be possible. Through the years I have learned a lot from others and they say they have learned a lot from me. I also realized that as the children gathered to my doorstep and asked me to play and with little support for special needs children in our area, ‘I am able’ to learn and volunteer my time, when possible to children with special needs.

Your newsletter has also helped me with my journal which several people say I may want to use as a book some day. I will admit I have had tears here and there when I read and see the things that others can do and I can’t, but it also works the other way. Since I need to sit down more, I also learn more and can do more than other people. They say there is a reason for everything. My disability has taught me many things and I can share them with others when needed. Some people move so quickly through this life for money, things etc. and miss the smaller things. They miss the smaller moments that can only be shared once with your children, but ‘I am able!’

Thanks for time and understanding, Katherine Merry

It’s a choice. We can choose to be either a victim or a victor.(1) Victims let things happen. Victors make things happen. Choose to be a victor. Refuse to be a victim. To become a victor you first need to make a clear and accurate assessment of yourself and decide where you want to go with your life.

As Dave Mahoney said, ‘The important thing is not where you were or where you are, but where you want to get.’

This is the way of the victor.


WORK – 5 years from now:

a) What income do I earn?
b) What responsiblity do I have?
c) What position do I hold?
d) What respect am I shown by others?

HOME – 5 years from now:

a) What standard of living do I provide for myself and family?
b) What kind of housing do I live in?
c) What vacations do I take?
d) How do I assist my children to achieve financial independence?

SOCIAL – 5 years from now:

a) What kind of friends do I have?
b) What social groups do I belong to?
c) What leadership positions do I hold in the community?
d) What causes do I support?

Now in order to achieve 5 or 10 year goals you need to learn to step your goals.

Break them up into 30 day increments and then get to work.


Here is an example of what you could write down for your personal 30-Day Challenge:

All the answers below are just suggestions. Fill in your own suggestions and simply use these as a guide.

a) Break These Habits:

1) Putting off things.
2) Negative language.
3) Watching TV more than 60 minutes per day.(2)
4) Gossip.

b) Acquire These Habits:

1) A rigid morning examination of my appearance.
2) Plan each day’s work the night before.
3) Compliment people at every possible opportunity.

c) Increase My Value To My Employer In These Ways:

1) Do a better job of developing my subordinates.
2) Learn more about my company, what it does and the customers it serves.(3)
3) Make three specific suggestions to help my company become more efficient.

d) Increase My Value To My Home In These Ways:

1) Show more appreciation for the little things my wife does which I’ve been taking for granted.
2) Once a week, do something special with the whole family.
3) Give an hour each day of my undivided attention to my family.

e) Sharpen My Mind In These Ways:

1) Invest two hours each week reading professional magazines in my field.
2) Read one self-help book.
3) Make four new friends.
4) Spend 30 minutes daily in quiet, undisturbed thinking.

Decide today to take charge of your life, 30 days at a time, and be the victor and not the victim.


Once your first 30 days are up, assess your progress and then repeat the process by setting your next 30-DAY CHALLENGE. It will change your life – 30 DAYS AT A TIME.

Motivational Memo: Those who challenge their own lives shall overcome any challenge that life throws at them along the way.